Monday, May 01, 2006

"My ex-girlfriend is a touchy-feely granola prostitute" or "Why I love friendster"

Ok, let me preface this by saying that I totally still love and respect my ex-girlfriend. She is a wonderful human being. We had some great times together and I have no regrets. She was always very caring. She was kind of a hippie (I am also part hippie) and used words like "holistic." To quote her own friendster, she "loves loving" and also loves shopping at Whole Foods. When we parted ways she was making her way through some suspicously granola-like masters psych program in the east bay. Last I heard, she was running some sort of group for pre-teen girls.

So, I happened upon her friendster site the other day (yes, I was retro-stalking, so what?) and under her affiliations I found a website called Intrigued, I decided to look at it. Go ahead, do it. I'm sure she'll appreciate the increased traffic.

Oh my, what do we have here? Looks like some sort of set of workshops or...wait a minute...this is like a birkenstock brothel! I bet they serve tempeh in the lounge...what is this all about? Hmmmm, I'll click on "about us."

Oh my fricking god, look at this picture!

Hey, ex-girlfriend watch out! the understudy for MacBeth is coming up behind you! He's going to take your oolong tea and vegan cookies!

Seriously though, what do they teach here...hmmm, let's see.

The Pleasure Course – the core course of Beyond Education.

Advanced Pleasure Course – the second half of the core course of Beyond Education.
Wait what was the first half? Does that make this beyond Beyond Education? That's so po-mo. I don't know if I can handle the whole thing, it seems long and hard.

Guiding – producing a pleasurable lifestyle for others.
"No no...up a little...the man in the boat...there ya go!"

Coaching – total transformation in all areas of life (pleasurably).
Fuck this whole "all areas of life" thing, I'm sticking with my guiding class.

Training – training in “DOing” and being “Done”.

Wow, ok.... how does one train others to do this? Do you watch and critique? I think I would get stage fright with Francis Ford Creepola there watching me. And if it were my ex-girlfriend it would be a fantasy beyond its expiration date and more like a dream I would have if I ate a peanut butter fetta mochi ball sandwhich before bed.


Team Member – pioneering sensuality research and development.

Big pharma ain't got nothin' on this

In all seriousness though I wish her the best. This just caught me off guard and was too unexpected (see fucking awesome!) for me to pass up commenting on in order to show how narrow minded I am.

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