Thursday, November 01, 2007

Dear flatmate

Dear flatmate,

When you came by my open house when I was looking for a roommate, I liked you. Well, actually after my long distance ex-girlfriend vetoed my previous choice, you were the only person still looking. But you seemed nice and I liked you. And you had living room furniture. You didn't have a job lined up, but you assured me that you had enough money in the bank to last you for a while.

That was May.

You've never been late with rent or bills, and for that I thank you.

But please . . . get a job. Here is why:

1. You are always around. As I said, I like you. But you're always around. And sometimes you have friends over. And some of your friends have babies. And sometimes all I want is a quiet apartment.

2. It's not like you do anything. Ok, I know you're starting a nonprofit or whatever, but seriously. I don't know what you do with your day. You visit friends and go to coffee shops. I figure out all the bills, take out the trash and recycling and do more than my share of cleaning. You also never go shopping nor cook. When you sit there and say you're hungry and sigh until I offer you some of whatever I am eating is getting old. As is when you eat my food. I have about 10 hours less free time in my day than you do, so could you please EFFING DO SOMETHING? I don't expect you to do more than your share just because you are sans emploi, but please. Buy your own food and some toilet paper from time to time.

So, in sum, when you come home from a day of hanging out with your friends, please don't tell me how exhausted you are and then ask me if I'm going "to eat all that."

Thank You,



Strange Bird said...

My roommate throws parties when i"m not home where her friends drink my soda, and I end up throwing out the trash they left (she hasn't taken out the trash for the past month, actually). My roommate double parks in the lot and cusses at the apartment manager when she gets called on it. My roommate cooks, and even offers me food occasionally, but then leaves chunks of partially cooked ground beef stuck to the oven handle for over 24 hours (which might be even longer, if *I* didn't clean it up).


Also. Your long distance ex-girlfriend?? See? It's a good thing I didn't go to Columbia.

angela said...

Things like this are why I live alone.

the default attorney said...

Yeah, I just couldn't do the long distance thing anymore. I felt like I had a relationship with my phone. And a lot of the time it was an angry and distant phone that I didn't feel like I knew very well anymore.

Anastasia said...

Your situation sounds very much like my first live-in boyfriend. Ugh. I feel for you.