Proposed New Law School Courses

Having been out here in the legal world for about two years now, I would like to propose a few changes to the normal law school curriculum based on my experience as a plaintiffs' atty doing mostly federal law. I am only kind of kidding.

Moot CourtConference Call: participants shall be graded based on their ability to get multiple parties on the line and not talk over one another. Strategic use of the mute button in order to make fun of the other participants earns extra points.

Corporations Management: A course that describes to you how much of your overwhelming workload you can delegate to your staff without running afoul of any of those tricky "unauthorized practice of law" rules.

Model Rules of Professional Conduct Etiquette: When you are working with several other plaintiffs firms in different cities, how can you go about successfully managing your litigation while not pissing everyone off? This course will answer such questions as "when I get an email from a partner at another firm asking me to do something, do I have to do it?" "Does that mean I know have 30 bosses?," "How nice are you allowed to be with opposing counsel...when (s)he is cute?" and "Can I use emoticons in non-essential emails?"

Civil Procedure Local Rules, General Orders, and Standing Orders: There are these things called "cases" to explain the Federal Rules. This course will explain to you the 14 and 1/2 supplemental documents that are required to file something under seal in the Northern District of California and will answer such burning existential questions as "Do I need to file my 'administrative motion to seal' under seal?," and whether or not you have to call opposing counsel and do twelve push ups before you can schedule a hearing date in front of Judge Smith.

Legal Writing Drafting a Declaration: Can you just sign "under penalty of perjury" or does it have to be "under penalty of perjury of the laws of California" or "Pennsylvania" or "Guam"? What if you live in Guam, but are submitting a declaration in California? This course will also cover when it is best to use "Exhibits A, B, C" versus "Exhibits 1,2,3" or the modified "Exhibit A-1." What if an exhibit has an exhibit? AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Any other suggestions?

P.S. To all of you law schoolers out there, good luck on your exams!