"Sun Rises, Humans Blink, Say Sources"

Two headlines struck me as describing non-events today:

"Taco Bell Restaurant Are Safe, Says Taco Bell"
-According to who? Oh...right...you.

"Nicole Richie arrested for suspected DUI"
-I only look at the 'loids every once in a while, but even I know she's been chasing the dragon and/or shit-faced 24/7 for the last few years.

Even if you combined these stories to say something like "Nicole Richie Suspected of E-coli Contamination, Says Taco Bell," I still don't think I would raise a brow.