Thursday, October 19, 2006

Out of the Line-Up

I don't love baseball. My grandmother used to take me to Dodger games when I was a kid, but since little league, I just can't be bothered.

I was sad when Oakland got stomped on by Detroit, but I probably watched 1/3 of one game. I'll probably watch a game or two of the World Series, but I'm not planning my week around it or anything. For me, baseball is not a national past-time. It's something to watch when I'm hung over and there's no football on.

My roommate though, who spent a significant amount of time in Boston, loves baseball and the Red Sox. She's not a crazy fanatic or anything, but gets excited during games and knows all the players and who's leading the AL East at any given moment. But I still don't think that she'd spring for this:

Eternal Image Speeds Production of Major League Baseball(R) Urns Based on Enthusiastic Public Response

First Urns to Be Available by Opening Day 2007

October 10, 2006 -- Eternal Image, Inc. (PINKSHEETS: ETIM), a public company engaged in the design, manufacturing and marketing of customized designer caskets and urns, today announced that it has moved up the production of the first-ever licensed Major League Baseball® funeral urns due to enthusiastic public response.

Here's a computer generated image of what they think it will look like:

"So are you a Yankees fan?"

"Me? No, but uncle Henry was."

"Then why do you have a Yankees...uh...thing up there on the mantle?"

"Well, that's how uncle Henry wanted it."

"Oh...he wanted it on your mantle?"


"Why didn't he want it on his mantle?"

Do you see how these things will lead to awkward "who's on first" or "who's six feet under?" kind of conversations?

Oh, and Uncle Henry? If you are reading this please know that if you put yourself in one of these, you're not going on the mantle ok? It's tacky. You'll be put with the sports stuff in the garage.

But don't think Americans are the only ones with strange ideas of post-mortem containers. Check out what they do in Ghana.

Yes, that's a beer coffin.

I understand that a little more though because its individualizing it. I mean the guy liked beer and drank beer, and maybe worked in a brewery. There's another one that's shaped like a big cigarette because the guy liked smoking and owned a cigarette business. That's individual. It's not like Uncle Henry was on the Yankees, you know? Although it will be the officially licenced MLB Urn. Dear Lord, do we really have nothing better to do with our trademark attorneys?

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