I Know Why the Caged Bird Feels "Caged"

In an exclusive interview with Barbara Walters, an imprisoned Paris Hilton described her first few days in jail as a “horrible experience,” saying she didn’t eat, sleep, was severely depressed and felt like she was “in a cage.” (Boston Herald article)

A caaaaaaage? Prison? Really? I never! Perhaps she meant "open field of daisies" or "like a princess on her throne." As long as no one takes a picture!

This reminds me of an event that kept me motivated to stay in school when I worked in the service industry in high school and college. The dialog is reproduced below.

Client: I'll have the entrée.
Me: Great, would you like a salad or the soup du jour?
Client: What is the soup du jour?
Me: Today we have the "wild mushroom soup."
Client: Hmm, I think I'll have that.
Me: Ok, great. Thank You.
(I bring the soup, along with the rest of the table's appetizers/starters. Several minutes later, I am flagged down by the client.)
Me: Yes?
Client: I don't know about this soup.
Me: I'm sorry, is there something wrong with it?
Client: I don't know...it tastes like mushrooms. It's too mushroom-y.

We ended comping that table a lot of stuff. You can imagine how the rest of the meal went.

I feel that we all have been a little too obsessed with the Paris Hilton thing. Myself most definitely included. I'm a little burnt out, to tell you the truth. So, absent any crazy and completely unforeseen circumstances, I'm going to do all (3) of us a favor and not going to talk about her anymore.

Paris Back in the Pokey

As opposed to getting poked in the back-y. You know, like her sex film? Nah, too much of a stretch, huh? Well all the good ones have already been taken in the nanosecond since this news was released.

While I have made my opinion clear in my previous posts, I do think it is unfair for the Sheriff to release Paris, only to have the Court haul her back in the next day and change her sentence. This seemed to be more of a dispute between the sheriff's department and the court/city attorney. They really didn't need to drag her into court again. Sorry Paris. But still not too sorry.

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Photo from The Superficial


I really wish she would just stay put. Having so many freaking posts about Paris Hilton is really starting to freak me out.

Not So Fast Paris

The judge and City Attorney aren't so happy with the Sheriff's decision to put Paris under mansion-arrest. (cnn article). She is being ordered to appear in court today. Apparently the judge's sentencing order explicitly states that she is not to serve her time at home.

Hmmm. I wonder she did during those "extensive consultations" with doctors that so convinced them she deserved to go home?

Paris Serves Forty-Five Days

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Paris Hilton was let out of jail Thursday morning, days after she began serving what was to have been a 45-day sentence for violating probation, a spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department said.

Hilton must wear a monitoring bracelet and remain at her home for another 40 days, said sheriff's department spokesman Steve Whitmore.

Well, Paris is loose. Well, in one way that is news, and in another, it really isn't. I'm sure that totally seemed like 45 days and that you like, you know, totally learned your lesson and stuff. P.S. Paris, think of it as an accessory. Michelle Rodriguez totally made it work.


Apparently Paris was refusing to eat la cuisine served en prison. She was allowed to do her time under home confinement due to "medical considerations." Yes, refusing to eat will always be a medical consideration that warrants lenient treatment. Just ask the boys in Guantanamo.

I feel like this should make me angry. But I guess I'm just not surprised.

We'll Always Have Paris

I was trying to avoid this, but I just can't anymore. In a news item that refuses to die, Paris Hilton is not not only appealing her 45-day sentence, but is also asking the Governator for a pardon. In the petition for her pardon (which I REFUSE to link to), it says

Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

Wow. I can't believe that someone actually sees herself as being so incredibly entitled.

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret today. I have some personal experience with a DUI. If anything Paris has already gotten preferential treatment. If Joe Shmoe were caught while driving with a suspended license because of a previous DUI, it would be considered a violation of his probation and he would either go (back) to jail (if he couldn't afford the fine the first time) or would get his sentence enhanced (more work program/more fine), and the car, even if it didn't belong to him, would get impounded at his expense.

When Paris got caught driving on a suspended license for the first time, she had to sign a statement saying that she knew her license was suspended. That's it. And LA is not known for being lenient on drunk drivers because of the driving culture of the city, and the fact that you spend so much time on the highway, it's usually the CHP that get you, and they are NOTORIOUSLY hard-ass.

So, when she gets caught a SECOND time, I don't think imposing a 45-day sentence is ludicrous. The whole reason she can be so carefree is because she doesn't have a job to lose or a family to feed, so be it. I just don't understand why she would keep insisting on driving places! I mean, with her money I'm sure she has a driver who will just take her around!

So Paris, if you read this, I'm not trying to mean. Like I said, I've been on the wrong side of one of these before, and it is a terrifying experience. But I have paid my dues on time, and done everything the system told me to do. I thought my sentence was a bit harsh too, considering the circumstances. But HOW DARE YOU think that somehow because people are fascinated with your princess life-style that you are entitled to preferential treatment. Do us all a favor. Read a book while your in there and play cards with lesbians. You might learn something.

On another note though, I do feel sorry for you because of this thing. That's just not fair. And this IS kinda because you're famous for being famous.