So Incredibly Likely, I Can't Believe It Actually Happened!

Yesterday, Al Gore III plead guilty to possession of marijuana and a few other drugs sans prescription in Orange County (LA Times). Authorities discovered the drugs after they pulled Gore over for going about 100mph. A couple comments here.

1. If you're going to have a numeral as a suffix to your name, you should go by "Albert" and not "Al." "Albert the III" sounds like he is from a politically connected family. "Al the III" sounds like a mechanic who works in a shop where two other "Al"s work, giving rise to the need to distinguish between them numerically.

2. Albert was pulled over for speeding in his hybrid 2006 Toyota Prius. Come on you couldn't make that up. I think his dad would have been more upset if he had been caught in an SUV.

Bong Hits 4 Jesus: Part "Dude!"

In a 5-4 decision handed down yesterday, the Supreme Court reversed a Ninth Circuit decision and held that the school board did not offend the First Amendment when it disciplined a student who held up a sign that read "BONG HiTS 4 Jesus" at a "school outing" when the class was outside watching the Olympic torch go by.

Now as a practical matter, it is a pretty stupid thing to do and I don't think disciplining the student for being a jackass is a bad idea. But if you read why the board disciplined him, and more importantly, why the SCOTUS upholds the school board's decision is more than a little disturbing.

While the court admitted the message was "cryptic," it went on to conclude that the sign "advocated the use of illegal drugs," and that thus the school could thus restrict the student's speech consistent with the First Amendment.

But pay close attention to how the Court concludes that the sign promotes and advocates illegal drug use. Here is the key paragraph.

At least two interpretations of the words on the banner demonstrate that the sign advocated the use of illegal drugs. First, the phrase could be interpreted as an imperative: “[Take] bong hits . . .”—a message equivalent, as Morse explained in her declaration, to “smoke marijuana” or “use an illegal drug.” Alternatively, the phrase could be viewed as celebrating drug use—“bong hits [are a good thing],” or “[we take] bong hits”—and we discern no meaningful distinction between celebrating illegal drug use in the midst of fellow students and outright advocacy or promotion.

So the phrase could be interpreted as an "imperative" when the court inserts the correct verb and appropriate conjugation in front of the what the sign actually says "[Take] bong hits..." or it could be "celebrating" drug use when the Court inserts pretty much ALL of the necessary language for that interpretation "bong hits [are a good thing]."

I'm sorry, but that's fucking crazy. Here, I can play that too. How about "bong hits [are totally bogus]." See? It's actually promoting a drug-free America, Judge Roberts! Or maybe the sign read "[All students have to pray ] 4 Jesus!" Now we have an establishment clause violation! This is fun. Feel free to come up with your own meaning!

If there's anything that can be called "judicial activism," it includes adding operative language to the speech in question so that it can be placed outside of the full scope of protection of the First Amendment.

Previous post on the oral argument, Bong Stinks for Jesus: collateral tokage.

Better written article at the Washingtonpost.com, from whence I also stole the picture.

Full SCOTUS opinion

"Bong Stinks for Jesus" and a lot of "unfurling"

Oral argument was heard today in Morse v. Frederick (aka, that case in Alaska where the kid unfurled a 15' sign that read "Bong Hits for Jesus" where the Olympic torch was being carried through town, and was suspended).

The oral argument transcript (here) is a good read, but it gets a bit boring towards the end. There is something surreal about having the SCOTUS discussing high school truancy and bong hits. Here are some fun highlights from "Fast Times at SCOTUS High:"

JUSTICE GINSBURG: So if the sign had been "Bong Stinks for Jesus," that would be, and Morse had the same reaction, that this was demeaning to the Olympics and it was unruly conduct, that there would be a protected right under Tinker because the message was not promoting drugs?

...

JUSTICE BREYER: Suppose that this particular person had whispered to his next door neighbor, "Bong Hits 4 Jesus, heh heh heh," you know. Supposed that's what had happened?