Dear flatmate

Dear flatmate,

When you came by my open house when I was looking for a roommate, I liked you. Well, actually after my long distance ex-girlfriend vetoed my previous choice, you were the only person still looking. But you seemed nice and I liked you. And you had living room furniture. You didn't have a job lined up, but you assured me that you had enough money in the bank to last you for a while.

That was May.

You've never been late with rent or bills, and for that I thank you.

But please . . . get a job. Here is why:

1. You are always around. As I said, I like you. But you're always around. And sometimes you have friends over. And some of your friends have babies. And sometimes all I want is a quiet apartment.

2. It's not like you do anything. Ok, I know you're starting a nonprofit or whatever, but seriously. I don't know what you do with your day. You visit friends and go to coffee shops. I figure out all the bills, take out the trash and recycling and do more than my share of cleaning. You also never go shopping nor cook. When you sit there and say you're hungry and sigh until I offer you some of whatever I am eating is getting old. As is when you eat my food. I have about 10 hours less free time in my day than you do, so could you please EFFING DO SOMETHING? I don't expect you to do more than your share just because you are sans emploi, but please. Buy your own food and some toilet paper from time to time.

So, in sum, when you come home from a day of hanging out with your friends, please don't tell me how exhausted you are and then ask me if I'm going "to eat all that."

Thank You,

TDA